That one makes me laugh every time I read it!
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the
idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called asshole ..1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole ..2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole,"
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately and
called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work
That one makes me laugh every time I read it!
*smooshes andy* [img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img]
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Careful, we're both married. [img]wink.gif[/img]Originally posted by Mortitia:
*smooches andy* [img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img]
wait...wait !!! [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]
* gets popcorn
Ok......ACTION !!! [img]cool.gif[/img]
Mort, Drau said you were an asshole.
*sits back and waits for the fireworks*
[img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img] Does this concept work on a message board?
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I say no it doesn't....Originally posted by Andyman:
Mort, Drau said you were an asshole.
*sits back and waits for the fireworks*
[img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img] Does this concept work on a message board?
.... but Drau said that you are an asshole. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Funny
There was one about an airline who had a cancelled flight and customers were on a line at the gate. One angry man when directly to the counter...
- I demand to get a flight right now !!!
- Excuseme Sir, we want to help you but you have to be in line like the other customers...
- I won't do such thing, I F@#$% want to talk to a supervisor
- Please sSir, get back on line to make this faster
- I won't do that !!! Don't you know who am I ???
* The agent turn the microphone
"Ladies and gentleman, we have here at the desk a man who does not know who he is....if someone knows, please approach the counter...thank you"
The guy went furious back to the line....
Another one...
One plane was leaving from South Africa to England. One white old lady was about to take her seat when she saw a black person seating besides. She approached the stewardess and demanded to remove the black guy from there.
- I don't want to seat with a "negro"
- I am sorry Madam, but the flight is full
- If you don't do it I want to get out the plane and get another one...and I also want to talk with the airline manager.
- But Madam...you have to understand
- I don't want that "negro" there, I want to speak with the captain !!!
The stewardess went to the cabin and returned with the captain
- Madam, I am sorry for this inconvenience, we will solve the situation inmediatly.
- That's what I wanted to hear !!!
The captain turns to the black guy
- Sir, you have to come with me
The poor black guy just took his bag and asked the captain
- Are you taking me out of the plane captain ? I have not done anything wrong....
The captain answered
- No Sir, we just realized we can't seat you with this woman. We have arranged to upgrade to first class to give you the propper service you deserve !!!
* All people inside the plane clapping while the old lady was taking her seat angry of envy
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